Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
