I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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