So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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