That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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