im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
