he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
