4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Randomize
