What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
