No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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