I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
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He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
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It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.