anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
