So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
can u get pink eye on your cock?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives