Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
