i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.