I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS