I'm fucking your sister right now.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.