Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK