Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
