Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
