So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
