Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
i believe in u and ur pee
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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