come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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