Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
