i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize