I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
