I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
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