Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
