I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
