Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Randomize
