I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
