you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
