Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Randomize
