Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
