come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
