I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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