Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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