Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
