I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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