heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
