We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
