Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
