he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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