We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
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