Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
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