I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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