i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
How external is "for external use only"?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
