just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
