Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
this will be a night to untag.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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