I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
