The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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