how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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