Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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