My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
