apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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