First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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