My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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