i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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