we made out on top of his cat.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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