shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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