I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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