I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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