Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
