I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
