You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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