your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
