the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
