Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
