I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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