Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
