I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
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she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
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