You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day ππ#pensacolaproblems
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