3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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