So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
