worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
