***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
please come you make the beer taste better
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
