just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
