my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
