and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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