So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
