Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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