I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
