Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
