So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
