You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
