I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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