I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
how drunk are you?
Several
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
